Today's Thoughts...

A.Levesque #60 - Time

 The one thing you spend you can never get back.  Tonight, I'm thinking life is to short to worry, you realize this.  Turn your worry into prayer.  See how things manifest exactly the way they are intended. I didn't say the way you wanted, that is not really how this works.  There's a big plan you know nothing about and you don't need to. Just keep being you. Keep shining your light in the darkest places to find all of the lost sheep.  One person is worth all the effort.  Never let the enemy win.  Satan will destroy everything you build if you let him.   Believe that.   Keep your peace  Remember I love your faces. 💗A.Levesque 

A Levesque #48 - Zac the Crisis Man

To all my followers, you know I wrecked my truck.
As I was scrolling through my phone contacts to call USAA, there it was.

My phone contacts list
Zac Crisis Line

I don't even think that is how you spell your name.
I don't know anything about you, but you saved my entire life.
You held me together when I found myself all alone with no one
to understand me.
Even though I had to contact my insurance company. 
The memory of you flooded my mind. 

So I wrote this to you and my followers.
I wrote it in a notebook and kept it since January.  I have not wanted to indulge, however, I felt overly compelled to write it up on share it with the world in hopes that someday you read this, Zac.

It was a Friday night when I called the hotline.  Yup, that VA Crisis Line.  Things were bad and only getting worse.  I thought about calling the number before.  I thought about reaching out before. 

As a veteran, we feel so alone.  Our families and friends do not completely understand so I think I scared myself into believing that the VA crisis line could also be another dead-end road that was not going to help.  Plus the judgment, I could not take another ounce of judgment. 
No one knew what we were going through, and I had definitely convinced myself of that.

When the going got really tough, I was tough enough to make the call.
That is when our paths crossed.
I laid it all out on the table for you, Zac.
All the problems we were facing with the house, the medications, and in the middle of it, you stopped me and said,"You don't have to explain how you got here.  I am here to help you get out because I know where you are."

You sent the cops here, one county and one state.
They did nothing.  Their supervisor would not let them intervene. 
Because of this, you had to close our file even though you told me it didn't sit well with you.
I called you and you gave me the number.  Told me to call no matter what.
The number I saved on my phone, and hold dear to my heart.

The next morning things only escalated out of control even more.  My psychiatrist held an emergency appointment and explained the situation so I could understand it.  You have to get him, you and the kids safe. 

I called you again.
I think deep down you knew you would.
I don't know what you said to my husband on the phone, but I am so grateful for you that words cannot express how I feel.

As we drove to the VA to meet you, I was so scared.  My own mental problems were spiraling out of control at the same time.
We arrived before you. 
We were waiting, all 5 of us. 
The moment you walked in, even though I had never seen your face I knew it was you.  You looked into my soul and saw the struggle. 

I will never forget you taking me to the next room.
I will never forget what you said to me in the most trying times of my life.
I will never forget your face.
I will never forget your voice.
I will never forget the words that you told me.
For the first time since 2009 (exit from the service), I found someone who could understand. 

You promised me they would help my husband.
You assured me that it was going to be really hard, but I could make it.
You said he would get the help he needed.
You said he would be okay.
You said you had him, and I finally for once trusted another soul to bear my pain.
You took my call just to calm me down after I was alone.
You calmed my insecurities and made the process easier for me.

Nothing could ever explain how much gratitude I have for you, Zak. 
That probably isn't even how you spell your name.
You did not walk away.
You did not cast any judgment.
You did not play down the situation because for once somebody understood.

I may never see you again, but I think about you often.
You changed our entire life by your undying service to your fellow veteran.
You are an angel.
When you ever are in my thoughts, I hope you smile.
You saved our life, our marriage and I could never repay you for that.

Love your faces.